🪐 Planetary Retrograde Report 🚀

Well, smegheads! In the cosmic game of musical chairs, Mercury is doing the Macarena in Capricorn. So, what does this mean? Communication might feel as tricky as trying to explain the offside rule to Rimmer. Use small words, avoid technical jargon and maybe consider a game of charades instead. #MercuryInCapricorn #MacarenaMadness

Now, Venus – the love guru of our celestial neighborhood – is sulking in Scorpio. Reckon she's a bit miffed about not being the center of the universe. Expect relationships to be as exciting as a game of zero-gravity Twister. But remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye (or a heart). #VenusInScorpio #ZeroGravityTwister

Mars in Sagittarius? Now, that's like a curry vindaloo in your horoscope. Expect to feel energetic, adventurous, and maybe a bit burny around the edges. Perfect time to try that new quantum physics workout you've been avoiding! #MarsInSagittarius #CurryVindalooEnergy

Ah, Jupiter in Taurus – like a cat who's found the cream. Time to sit back, relax, and maybe contemplate the mysteries of the universe. Like why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Deep stuff. #JupiterInTaurus #CosmicConundrum

Saturn in Pisces is like a fish out of water, metaphorically and literally. Keep your feet on the ground, and remember, it's okay to be a little bit weird. Embrace the chaos! #SaturnInPisces #EmbraceTheChaos

Uranus is hanging out in Taurus, shaking up the ground beneath our feet. Expect the unexpected, like finding out that your toaster has been plotting against you all along. #UranusInTaurus #ApplianceRebellion

Neptune in Pisces is like double-dipping in the cosmic salsa. Expect to feel extra intuitive and connected to the universe. Yes, even the bits that are light-years away